The power of love is stronger than almost anything and when you lose something you love, it hurts. Society has told us as women, we need to be strong, we need to be independent and we need to not let the world see us crack. It has turned the tables, where women are suppose to be hard and men are suppose to be the more emotional sex.
I’ve lived for many years believing that the only way I can be strong is to force my emotions away. I can’t be sad around people. I can’t let anyone see my sweat – and that’s not healthy. I’ve ruined friendships by being sheltered and I’ve pushed people away. I’ve also found myself bottling everything because people I trusted have lied or done things that have broken me and when I get sad I get angry. I either stop myself from feeling anything or I blow up. I say things I regret. I make silly decisions. All because I’m too scared to actually say “I’m kind of upset.”
Fergie once sang “It’s time to be a big girl now and big girls don’t cry” and I use to sing this song every single day and it made me feel like part of growing up meant not showing emotion. Being an adult meant being emotionally secure and being emotionally secure *I thought* meant having no emotion. I listened to this song whilst I was writing this and it did have a good message. Yeah, you’re going to miss the thing you lose, but when it’s gone, you have to pick yourself up, dust off and move on and only YOU can do that. Baby steps.
How wrong was I?
Should we share our emotions?
Of course. I’ve written before about how I’ve let go of negativity in my life to push myself into a stronger better person and part of that journey includes learning to control and show my emotions. I’ve forgiven in my heart all the people who have hurt me and I’ve learnt where I personally went wrong in those relationships and I’ve forgiven myself too.
Happiness cannot be controlled and shouldn’t be judged – and because that’s true, it should be the same for any other emotion.
I’m going to confess something now…
I stir over emotions for a lot longer than is healthy. I’m still upset about things that happened years ago. I’ve learnt from those situations and I’ve grown from them but that doesn’t stop me feeling emotions when I think about them. I can’t think about certain people or situations without being flooded with every emotion under the sun. I know that’s unhealthy, but unlike Liz from 6 months ago, Liz now knows and she talks about it. The other day someone asked, “Hey, are you alright?” and I found myself talking about problems, instead of the signature “I’m alright, you?”
I got lucky that the person I was talking to was great with this type of stuff. He knew that all he could do was listen and sometimes that’s what we need as over-emotional people. You need to understand that people are going to be upset about things you may think are silly and that’s okay – we can’t look down on their emotions because we don’t understand them (I’m guilty of this) and we need to learn how to deal with people who suffer with these issues.
How can we help?
I’ve learnt that the one way that helps me when people don’t understand, is just listening. Accept that you might not be able to understand their problems, but don’t disregard them. Everyone’s problems are still problems – no matter how big or small, they’re all important.
I’m sorry for every problem I disregarded in the past. I understand now where I went wrong and I can also understand why people disregarded my problems when they were small. Love is love, sad is sad, angry is angry and confused is confused. Every emotion counts. Every person deserves the chance to share how they’re feeling and every person deserves to be heard.
I now choose to be open. Open with everyone I meet. I have no secrets. I have nothing I am ashamed of. Everything that happens, happens for a reason. People come and go. Situations can break us and then others can make us. We fall in love and then fall out of love almost as quickly. We fall back in love and we don’t even know why. We will feel every emotion under the sun and that’s great. Let’s not keep them to ourselves – we deserve to know how our friends/family are feeling, it will bring us closer and at the end of the day, it will make you feel better.
So please, don’t ever make anyone feel bad for a decision they make and emotions they show. It’s their life. It’s their heart and it’s best for them. Big girls can cry. Big boys can cry. We can all show emotion in anyway we want to.