TLDR: If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell can you love somebody else?
We’ve all been there, right? Wondering whether the thing we are currently stressing over is even worth any of the stress? Whether it be a boyfriend, a job, a friend, or anything else we’ve all been there. I’m there right now, reason: classified (kind of). I’m sure someone will say “how can you write this publicly, don’t you care what they might think?” or “wow you have no consideration for them” or my favourite “didn’t take you long to get over that.” Well. To answer those question: why should I care what they think? When it comes to my mental health, no one else is important and just because I want to move my mind on from the horrible thoughts about them, doesn’t mean I don’t care.
Anyway, back to it.
Moving on from anything is difficult, probably one of the hardest things. Not many people like change, I for one struggle with change and have for as long as I remember, but you know what? I’ve come to realise that change isn’t always bad. Change is healthy. My current situation is proving that change is somewhat difficult. I’m trying to keep myself busy (one of the many self-help guides step #1 to moving on), I’m camping, I’m drinking at stupid times of the day, I’m spending time with people I never thought I’d see again, just to try and keep my mind busy – but at the end of the day, that doesn’t always work.
I find myself obsessing over details and people I know nothing about as well as the reasons behind everything stopping in the first place. Thats when I realised I need to try and move on. I stalked Facebook to find things, I’ve created imaginary stories in my head and I now officially dislike about 50 people on Facebook because of the stories I’ve created in my head (psyhco, right?)
I have a lot of baggage right now and I’ve accepted that, that’s okay. Baggage is part of being human, but not letting that baggage effect you is part of being strong. That’s where I’ve gone wrong in the past and that’s where I’m not going to let myself down again.
It takes a long time to get someone’s shadow out of your life, but acceptance is one of the first things I need to do. I need to accept everything for how it is and most of all learn not to hate people for other peoples actions (sorry). Moving on is a very long healing process a time you should spend trying to figure out the best options for you – because at the end of the day, you are the only person that will always be there for you. Not matter how many times people say they love you or they’ll never hurt you, you never know what’s going on inside their head. But you know your own.
All these self-help books recommend sharing your problems with your close friends, whereas I’ve done differently and shared my story to a website. A website not many people read, and not many people know about. But a place where I feel like my words are not wasted. I may get called an attention seeker or who knows what else, but behind every person is a changing story we know nothing about – my story is just open to the world, because I have nothing to hide. Not anymore.
I guess if you have a problem with that, you shouldn’t read this. Shame I’ve written that at the bottom, right?
Anyway, I hope you all have an amazing day – don’t let anyone stand in the way of who you are and what you want to do. Nobody has ever made themselves greater by showing how small someone else is. Be someone who makes everybody feel like a somebody.