Let’s be real. I’ve been called a bitch, blunt, rude, harsh, cold, passive-aggressive, stupid, unreasonable, slow, pathetic and honestly the list goes on. Let’s clear something up: I’m all of these things and I feel like over the years I’ve become stronger for it.
I’m very blunt (surprise!) I say things how they are and some people don’t like that. I mirror people too. And I also get very annoyed at people poking my emotions. “Are you okay”, “what’s wrong”, “you seem quiet.” All of these are valid sentences, once, not repeated hundreds of times. I have a short temper because of this and I’ve been called out for being passive aggressive because of this in the past by numerous people. I’ve grown up constantly being pestered to see how I was, just to make sure I was anything other sad. That may be classed as toxic, but that’s just who I am. I’m never intentionally rude and I find it strange how people can blame their reaction of me on me. I know now, it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to refuse help when you feel like you don’t need it, it’s okay to say no when you just want to be alone. It’s okay to say no whenever you feel like you need to.
I probably make no sense but, let me put it this way: if I was super happy and said something like “hey let’s talk lots and do cool things” instead of being quiet and saying “hey, okay, let’s chat”, you wouldn’t bat an eyelid. As soon as the sentences become shorter, quicker and blunter, people freak out. People hear silence and they freak out. I like sitting in silence and I’m a major culprit of one word sentences and I’ll tell you why.
It’s my job to talk. To write lengthy emails. I basically spend 99% of my working day, smiling and being the utmost perfect person to gain respect from everyone I meet, so when I come home, I don’t want to do that. I want to be quiet. I want to sit in silence. I don’t want to have elaborate conversations about my day because they’re mundane. If you want to talk about something exciting then I will talk, entice me with more than the everyday and my mind will be something interesting for you to discover. Tell me about something other than what I know. Life has become so mundane for so many people that conversations have become so lacking.
So when someone is quiet think:
- Maybe they don’t like to contribute to everyday gossip.
- They think silence is beautiful.
- Small talk bores them.
- Maybe they just don’t want to talk to YOU.
I know a few people that would get offended by number four. They take everything so personally and never really think about the other person whilst they’re upset. Number four is one of those rough spots people need to iron out.
It’s not that we don’t like you, love you, or want to spend time with you. It’s that we don’t need to spend time with you, to talk to you, or to listen to you 100% of the time to know how much you mean to us. In our moments of solitude we can establish connections and in turn they can grow stronger. But trying to explain that to someone is hard – impossible most of the time. So what do we do? We get called toxic, etc. All because people don’t know who we are.
Maybe if you’ve read this, and you have been one of those people to call me, or someone else toxic. Maybe now you can realise what might really be going on. This also isn’t a dig at those of you who have the need to want to help as many people as you can, I get it, and that’s amazing, just please, don’t blame us if we don’t want your help. But if you offer me a cupper and a conversation of pure nostalgia and/or excitement, we’ll be best friends.
Have you ever been called toxic? How do you feel about the way some people deal with their solitude? Are you someone who feels like they need to help? How do you deal with people who don’t always need that help?