I feel sad that I even have to write this, but I feel like there’s somethings I need to straighten out.
Honestly, this is hard. I don’t do any of this to thrive on negativity and lately I feel like that’s what’s happening. I’m fairly emotionally unstable at the moment and I’ve done some foolish things and said some even worse things out of spite and frustration. I’m trying to remind myself why I do what I do and basically, I do this because I’ve been hurt by things (just like the rest of you) and I don’t want people to ever hurt like I’ve done.
For those of you who know me, you’ll know I’m very straight to the point, I’m blunt and sometimes that can be misconstrued. But for a while now I’ve been sheltered, I’ve been concerned with what other people think of me more than usual. I’ve made some terrible decisions and I’ve done some not so cool things and before anyone clocks me I know what I’ve done wrong, so I don’t need to be reminded of it every other minute because I’m old enough and stupid enough to know better.
Yes, I have a blog where I write about problems, and I give advice on situations I’ve been in because I feel like I have something to offer to the world. I’ve been in bad situations and made the wrong decisions, but now I know (as I’m a little older and dumber) what I should of done instead. So, please, readers, instead of leaving passive aggressive comments on my posts (which by the way are deleted, because I don’t encourage negativity) please just take a minute to think about what I’m writing and why I’m writing it.
This is my way to vent. I don’t enjoy talking to people and telling them every ounce of information from my private life because why do they need to know? I don’t have many friends, honestly, I’d say I had one, so this is my solitude. I happily offer general advice on each of the subjects I’ve been affected by, because I feel like I have something to offer. I will never write anything nasty about people, I will never name and shame if something bad has happened to me because it’s not the person that I have the problems with, it’s the outcomes and the situations. If I’ve been hurt and I’ve found a way through it (sometimes if I haven’t too), I will write about it. I will write about how I’ve succeeded when others have tried to make me fail, I will write about how to get over a boy who wasn’t right for you, I will write about everything if I feel there’s something I have to offer and sometimes even if I don’t.
I understand some of you reading this will know me personally and will always have thoughts about whether something is about someone specifically, or simply think “wow, she’s so contradictory” but I’m typing to you now: I know what I’ve done wrong, I’ve cut negativity out of my life completely now and I’m focusing fully on me and what’s important to me. I don’t want you to look down on my successes because you don’t like me, or you don’t like what I write. I want you to understand that everything I do, I do because it helps me. It helps me learn and hopefully it will help one of you. I don’t want individuals to think that I hate them because I write about things that involved them – because I don’t. I’ve learnt from my mistakes, I’ve realised where things have gone wrong and as someone who wants to help, and as writing is the one thing I think I’m good at, this is the outcome.
So I ask you, please don’t slate me because I won’t do that to you. A few years ago I would have told every person under the sun how I felt about people, but now, there’s no point. How I feel about people/situations/problems is my opinion and no one else will ever share exactly the same opinion as me because we ALL have different experiences. I may not be happy with you and we may not even talk, but I will always want you to succeed.
And I want to say thank you, to every person who reads this post. Thank you for allowing me to be the most open version of myself. I know I’m difficult and I know sometimes some of you may want to strangle me, but I’m learning.
So, if you’ve ever read my posts and thought “that’s about me” just know, I don’t write from a place of anger or malice, I write from a place of self-improvement. You may not like it, and if that’s true I’m sorry, but I write the truth and sometimes the truth sucks. I know I’ve been bitter, manipulative, angry, selfish and down right stupid at times but I’ll always be the first person to hold my hand up. To everyone I’ve ever upset or just not been 100% to, I’m sorry. I don’t expect everyone to like me, because I’m no where near the perfect person, I guess I’m just asking for niceties. I know that every mistake in my life has built me into a stronger, better person, one I’m be proud of.
So, there we go. I wish you every luck for the future in whatever you do, no matter who you are, whether we’re friends, enemies or somewhere in between. I’ll always be your cheerleader and I hope you’ll always be mine.