No, this isn’t clickbait, this is me being open. And you probably opened up this thinking, “why doesn’t she want to date?”, “what happened to her to get like this?” Dating has been so replaced with dick pics, Netflix and Chill and hanging out that I don’t want that. Coming from a girl who’s never been with someone (intimately) who she hasn’t been in a relationship with, hookup culture makes me angry and I’m not about that life.
Bare in mind, when I say I never want to date again, I mean it. At least not in the same way I have been since I started dating. I’m 22. My friends are either engaged or drunk by 3pm. Then there’s me: I was a late bloomer, I started university when I was 21, when 99% of my friends who went to uni graduated when they were 21. I focus more on myself than I do on many other people – probably where sometimes relationships go wrong for me. But here’s another problem. I don’t drink, I rarely leave my house because of my work.
Also: I’ve never actually been on a first date.
We go from friends, to a couple, to broken up within a year and never actually go on what I would call a date. What’s my definition of a date? Asking a person, “do you want to go on a date?” because no one ever asks anymore. Putting effort into what you wear and where you’re going. Not just mutually deciding on going for food. So, I’ve never been on a date. I’ve been for food, but never on a date.
So I guess when it comes to relationships, I never give myself enough time to figure out if someone is right for me before I even start seeing someone and usually something goes wrong because I haven’t been strong enough to say “no you’re not right for me.”
So where do I go from here? I don’t want anything to do with men for a long time. Not when it comes to relationships anyway. I’m thriving on less arguments and less disagreements and you know what? I’m so much better for it. After hearing from numerous strangers how I was spoken (badly) about when I was in a relationship, it made me realise how the lack of communication in relationships can make you feel so crappy and I don’t want to have to walk on egg shells to try and keep someone happy.
As far as I can tell, whilst we were together, none of the men I dated really loved me as much as they said or respected me fully because: they told strangers how bad a girlfriend I was, cheated on me, thrived on problems so they could guilt trip and even faked text messages to break up with me. Why would anyone want to deal with that? Because I’m certainly over it. So, here’s my plan.
I’m not going to date. If I want to go on a date, with someone I’m going to ask them and if someone asks me to go on a date, I will. But if you beat around the bush or step on egg shells, I’m not sticking around to wait for you.
I have so much going for me right now and I don’t want to waste time with the immaturity that comes with the back and forth of tedious relationships. If I could go back in time I would tell my younger self to note date: to read, write, paint, draw and love yourself with every fibre of your being.